Dane van Niekerk: Former South Africa captain on 'personal' World Cup omission
Former South Africa captain Dane van Niekerk says her omission from the T20 World Cup squad felt "personal" but her international retirement has been "a weight off my shoulders".
Van Niekerk, 29, retired from South Africa duty last month after leading them 80 times in a 14-year career.
She was left out of the squad for February's World Cup after failing to meet the required time for a 2km run.
"It was a weird thing," Van Niekerk told the BBC's No Balls podcast.
South Africa beat England in the semi-finals to reach their first final, which Van Niekerk called "very bittersweet".
"I wanted South Africa to win, but I'm not going to say I wasn't conflicted," she said.
"The women in that team are my mates. I love them; I want good things for them.
"But I knew that if something good came from that World Cup - which again, I wanted - everything that transpired with me would get pushed under the rug and there would be no questions asked."
In a candid interview Van Niekerk said:
She gave "everything" to make the squad but struggled to understand the decision
She felt she was no longer valued by Cricket South Africa (CSA)
Retirement gives her a chance to "love cricket" again
'I always believed in myself'
Van Niekerk said she gave "anything and everything" to make the squad for a home World Cup.
"I have never said that you shouldn't be fit if you're playing for your country, but I didn't come into that fitness test less fit. I wasn't overweight. In fact, everything was better than it had been," she said.
"I was being picked previously because I was good at cricket and I don't know how that went out of the window.
"I believed in myself as a cricketer, as a tactician and as a captain and I thought that should carry some weight."
Van Niekerk played 194 times for South Africa, scoring more than 4,000 runs and taking 204 wickets.
She said she was initially given support and a trainer from CSA but was "hurt" by conversations that followed as their tri-series with India and West Indies and the World Cup approached.
"They did give me the opportunity (to make the 2km time) and I'll never take that away from them, but it was everything leading into that cut-off day.
"You don't kick somebody when they're down. I didn't expect a free pass - that's not who I am.
"My captaincy was stripped from me because they said they realised there was a chance I might not make the World Cup team.
"That hurt, because I was training alone, running, doing everything I can and then they say that. Where's the faith?"
Van Niekerk worked as a commentator during the World Cup, but said she found it difficult to watch and missed South Africa's semi-final and their defeat by Australia in the final at a sold-out Newlands in Cape Town to prepare early for the Women's Premier League (WPL) in India.
"I wanted to sing that national anthem with my team at Port Elizabeth, my home town," she said.
"I was happy to see my friends experience that but I was also bitter. The country needed that final but I did not work for 14 years for my country to miss out on that.
"I needed to get away from the noise. It was so hard."
'It had to be a personal thing'
Van Niekerk said there is still confusion about her omission from the team, saying she got "alienated", but has had no closure on why it happened.
"I was vocal as a captain. I held players and management accountable and that included myself. I always had best intentions for the team," she said.
"A comment was made to me about me losing the respect of the group, but how can that happen when I'm not there?
"It had to be an internal thing - it's personal."
Van Niekerk added that she had to retire because of the toll it was taking on her body.
She said she was in a "bad way" after breaking an ankle and spent "six weeks killing herself" by over-training and not eating in order to reach the required fitness standard.
"I just couldn't do it any more for a company that doesn't value me," she said.
"I never expected them to kiss my feet. But surely what I have given and what I have put my body through for 14 years, does that not count for something?"
When Van Niekerk was left out of the World Cup squad selector Clinton du Preez said: "Dane was given an extensive opportunity to meet the minimum criteria for the fitness benchmark.
"Dane will always be missed on the cricket field. We have reminded her of that. We also appreciate the effort she tried to put into meeting the fitness level."
'My chance to enjoy cricket again'
Despite international retirement, Van Niekerk still has plenty of opportunities in franchise cricket, having been signed by Royal Challengers Bangalore in March's WPL and been retained by defending champions Oval Invincibles in The Hundred.
Van Niekerk led the Invincibles to the title in 2021 but played a lesser role last year.
"I was upset because I didn't make the Test against England (in 2022)," she said.
"One of my life's dreams has been to captain in a Test. I was so upset but in hindsight, I shouldn't have played in The Hundred because I was not in the right place physically. Looking back at photos, it's embarrassing, but I was in denial.
"I wasn't the best person last time around. I was captain, but I was dropped, and that is very different to being injured. That had never happened to me before in my career."
Van Niekerk is looking forward to a future of enjoying the game again and moving on from a difficult two years.
"This phase will end. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders," she said.
"I feel like I'm under a magnifying glass a bit, people saying I need to show them why they shouldn't have left me out.
"It's not about that. I want to find my love for cricket again.
"Cricket gave me friends for life. It's sad that it ended how it did, but cricket gave me so much and I will always be so grateful."
This article originally appeared on BBC Sport
Photo: Getty Images